You’d think I had it all: Pro hockey player  ✔️ Great family  ✔️ Emotionally available for a girlfriend  ✔️

Except I might be cursed. Bad stuff just happens to me.
I fell asleep only for someone to draw genitals on my face? Pictures go viral.
I got a spider bite, should be fine right? Got it right on my balls aka now melons.
Found the perfect woman? She’s my team captain’s younger sister.
I’m a goner for Sunny. Obsessed. Head over heels.

I will do whatever it takes to have her forever, even if her brother does try to remove me from this earthly plane.